Driving me crazy

So as for me, every one knows I can go off the deep end sometimes... Well thing is here lately it's been a little different. Suddenly I feel like ice is starting to chip away from my soul.. Kind of an inconvient truth but this time its actually happening and no one has flown me around the world in a private jet or sent me a check that surely would take months to clear... Any how... Fact is, I find my self slowly not worrying about some of the things I used to worry about it.. I mean, ya paying the bills stills worries the crap out of me because the checks are always light and never on time.. But when it all seems like it's about to come crashing down, I don't even freak now.. Just make myself take a breath and step back for a second and look at everything. When I step back now, it looks like the view from a plane ride on a calm spring day. When just several months ago, when I was even able to step back it just looked like I was staring into a midwestern funnel cloud. The darkness has seemed to lift and I feel almost like a new person. Don't get me wrong the stress of having withstanding debts keeps my feet firmly planted, just feels like the pressure is getting lighter. Have been learning, searching, planning, and failing at this venture I call my life for about 8 years now.. Very thankful for all the support my family has given me and it might just start to pay off sooner than later.. (I owe a lot of folks thanks and plan on catching up with lots of old friends soon). The really strange thing is, no matter how bad the fisical debt is I can feel the sunshine starting to warm my rain soaked face.. It makes for humid days sometimes but at least I can finally see the sun. My mom is moved down to San Marcos slowly getting settled in her new life in the hill country.. Which has not been a pinic for anyone but especially her. She has given everything she has to her children and grandchildren.. amazing woman... Brother is in college and doing great.. Starting to at least try and work on developing a relationship with my sister, and remember where it is she is coming from.. Working with the hardest working client list I have ever worked with.. And the money still sucks but I just find myself worrying less and less about it and just make it work.. Funny thing is the less you worry about making money the end result is, the more you make.. I just happen to need to make a shit load of it to pull myself out.. Speaking of that, I used to be pissed almost everyday about the uninsured, drunk fucks that caused this mess in the first place.. Well now I am just like, lets get this shit done, get over this hill and get the fuck over it... Ya, it sucks but in the scheme of things I have it pretty fucking easy.. Not like I have to carry a machine gun to go pick up humantarian supplies for my family, from the biggest organized crime syndicate ever.... The UN..- Back to the point I was making earlier.. I just feel like life is pretty grand and getting better. My roommate and VP is kicking ass and helps out a poor nigga like you would never believe.. and the fact that dude is kicking ass and punching people in the face at his age is freaking awesome. he's way young too... If I would have been that organized back then I would be way further along.. But, I guess snorting massive amounts of blow effects your maturing process... Who would have thunk it?? And now here comes the real crazy thing.. So I met this girl about 7 years ago and have thought about her every freaking day since.. Just happens that during the above mentioned "blow" years, she moved off to go to school and we didn't talk.. Also that she probably had no idea, that from the first time I talked to her I was blown away... 100%.. She totally ruined all my male Chauvinistic views on women.. And rightfully so, this girl broke the mold.. She to this day is the most real, gorgeous, smartest, funniest, and honest person ever.. she is a freaking angel, i tell you... o'ya, did I mention she is a pain in the ass too..? This girl had me from dead to right from the start and she didn't even have a clue.. Well, so I thought at the time.. Now, I'm kinda wondering, because she said, boys are her "speciality"... So kidding with that statement, kinda.. Just had to throw it in there in case she reads this.. Back to present time.. So there it, my life in a nutshell.. Pretty happy at this point... You just have to met this girl... I am offically one hundred percent in love with her... and the really weird thing is, she knows how fucked up I am and is still here... Not a BETTER feeling in the world...... to be continued..